Fiji Water Is Bullshit

Chances are, you’ve seen people drinking this Fiji Water. It’s everywhere. Shit, even the dorky fucks on “The Big Bang Theory” are drinking it. Recently, we’ve been popping bottles of this bullshit agua at my workplace. It wasn’t until today that all the pieces came together for me and I realized I fucking hate this water and all it stands for. Consider the...

Pressure

Understanding “pressure” as we conventionally refer to it is flawed. Too often, pressure is the lack of options. If the phrase were “Do or Die Or Get Ice Cream” it would change the intrinsic motivation of the situation. Perhaps then, we need to change the possible outcomes of any situation to include a third option and move away from the binary finality we embrace as creatures of fact. Creatively...

Autotune: You’re Fucking Bullshit. And IR...

First, this isn’t some scathing rant like you’d read on some audiophiles website. I’m just not that person. I actually wrote an article on “How to AutoTune Your Music For Free” to see if even a hack like me could benefit from Autotuning. The reality of the situation is that I am, in a way, disabled. I don’t have the ability to appreciate music like other people I know. I’m not sure if...

Genetic Destiny

I was dancing with an absolutely gorgeous girl last night. She wasn’t my girl, I was just keeping an eye on her, but she was the kind of girl that makes everyone else look at you and think “What is this jerk’s secret?”. While I was doing so, I noticed that she was sweating. Not like she was on trial for murder or anything, but just enough to be shiny. I looked at my hand where I was holding it on her...

What do I do with my time?

I’ve taken up a new hobby: Holding my breath. Yes, that’s right. I sit there like an idiot in class holding my breath. Eventually, unable to hold it in anymore, I exhale like I just took the biggest bong hit ever. Usually, I’ll try to count the seconds I am able to hold it, however sometimes I do it just to do it. I have a theory that counting makes you aware you’re not breathing and psyches you out...

Anyone else?

Is anyone else ridiculously attracted to the girl from the new Death Cab For Cutie video? I’d marriage her ass. I have such random weaknesses. And here is the video where she treks around the world all hot...