Let me start, as most story tellers do, at the beginning. I was a mere 11 years old. I had heard through the family that my Uncle, Ian Ziering, had a new girlfriend. Shortly after, We went to visit him in California. I met this new mystery woman. She seemed nice enough. She was nice to me. I had no reason not to like her.
It was some months after that I learned my Uncle proposed, and they were to be wed. I was excited. I had never been to a wedding before, much less one at the Beverly Hills Hotel in fabulous downtown L.A. Unfortunately, with the good comes the bad. The wedding was scheduled for my all time favorite holiday: Independance Day. I hadn’t missed a Fourth of July in memory yet, and I was not pleased to be missing one for some sissy wedding.
Not long after being devastated by having to miss the Fourth of July, I found out that my aunt to be had ambitions to pose nude for Playboy. This, did not please my family, but like a good family, nobody said anything. Who were we to come between love, and millions of sketchy readers seeing “Nikki Ziering Nude” across the cover of their ill-begotten filth.
Time passed, and the next thing I knew, I was in Los Angelos at the rehearsal dinner. It was after dinner I noticed, what I would classify as a commotion among the generally serene older population. Apparently, someone had gleamed a pre-release copy of the magazine, and as the older male population in my family passed this gem around, commenting on how ‘Tasteful’, and ‘Tame’ it was, I knew I was in big trouble. Being only 12, they refused to let me see this piece of paraphenalia, but I had a pretty good idea what was going on inside the book when the cover was adorned with my Aunt to be wearing leathers and sitting on a Harley Davidson Motorcycle.
The wedding went off uneventfully, and we returned home. In the next few months, I was going to have my Bar-Mitzvah (stupidest thing ever) and I had invited my Uncle, and my Aunt. Unfortunately, being that everyone in the Seventh grade was desperately looking for any opportunity to see any kind of female form, kids often stooped to intercepting their Dad’s Playboy’s before they got them. You can imagine the response when someone put two and two together and figured out that Nikki Schieler Ziering was going to be in my family, and at my Bar-Mitzvah. Relentless torture is the only way to describe it really. “Ziering, I saw your aunt Naked” “Ziering, Your aunt is totally hot man” “Yo, Josh, I saw your aunt, she’s freakin hot!” and the best was from my science teacher at the time who upon discovering this asked about my uncle, and then said “Say hi to his wife for me”. Their were no limits, and certainly no civility. This all came to a stunning crescendo at my Bar-Mitzvah when like a sea, my friends parted. The boys, to my Aunt, the girls, to my Uncle. I understand they didn’t mean for this to happen, and for the most part, it was beyond their control. However, it did suck to feel like perhaps I wasn’t the REAL reason people were there.
In February 2002, My Aunt and Uncle filed for a divorce citing none other than irreconcilable differences. I don’t fault either of them for it, I’d rather my Uncle be happy. Unfortunately, After they divorced, my now estranged Aunt kept MY NAME. For all intensive purposes, she should have returned to Nikki Schieler. But no. No. No! She dropped Schieler all together and kept MY NAME. Now, a simple Google search for Ziering is smitten with Porno, naked pics, and ads for American Pie. It’s a travesty. When I decided that I wanted to upgrade my Blog to a real website, the choice was obviously clear:
www.MyAuntIsHot.com – Because Ziering on Google doesn’t have to be porno.