Posted by Josh
on May 24, 2012 in Rantings
| 0 comments
Chances are, you’ve seen people drinking this Fiji Water. It’s everywhere. Shit, even the dorky fucks on “The Big Bang Theory” are drinking it. Recently, we’ve been popping bottles of this bullshit agua at my workplace. It wasn’t until today that all the pieces came together for me and I realized I fucking hate this water and all it stands for. Consider the following:
Look At These Artesian Fucks
“Artesian” is the bullshit of all bullshits. Do you know what artesian fucking means? Artesian wells are wells that SPEW WATER OUT OF THEM. So instead of having to pump clean fresh water out of the ground to bottle and deliver to the thirsty masses, these fucking assholes stand around with buckets catching the water as it spews forth. Then they have the nerve to call it fancy fuck artesian water. Here’s a link to more about the assholery that is Artesian wells: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artesian_aquifer
- Fiji is run by a military dictatorship. Not to say that America doesn’t consume plenty of items from places where they treat the people like shit, but newsflash fucko: WE HAVE PLENTY OF GOOD WATER HERE IN AMERICA.
- So, all these assholes are standing around with buckets collecting this water, and they put it in a nice bottle. How does it get to America? They have to ship it. Do you how much water it takes to refine the gasoline that powers the boats, planes, and cars that deliver that water? How about the water it takes to refine the plastic this shitfuck water is occupied in? Let’s look at some numbers. Warning, this may be hard to swallow:
In Just One Year Fiji Water Consumes or Creates ° …
- 5,500 miles per trip from Fiji to Los Angeles (the closest Fiji Water destination point in the US)
- 46 million gallons of fossil fuel
- 1.3 billion gallons of water
- 216,000,000 lbsof greenhouse gases
Quick Save The Planet!
- To offset all this damage they’re doing to the earth, the environment, and the geo-political climate Fiji generously donates 1% of their profits back to “the planet”. It’s marketing at it’s finest. Look at this obligatory bullshit picture to your right of some assholes planting a tree. That’ll help offset the over 2000 million pounds of greenhouse gas!
- Every good capitalist is going to argue that this is just a case of supply and demand. Clearly, in Fiji, the drinking water paradise, they all have the best of the best to drink. Well, actually not. Privileged America is pilfering the best water and shipping across the sea where privileged fucks can sit around hydrating their huge asses. Here’s what Australian Government has to say about drinking the water in Fiji:
Water-borne, food-borne and other infectious diseases (including typhoid, hepatitis, leptospirosis, tuberculosis, measles and mumps) are common, with more serious outbreaks occurring from time to time. Fijian authorities have reported cases of typhoid in parts of Viti Levu. We recommend that you boil all drinking water or drink bottled water, and avoid ice cubes, raw and undercooked food. Seek medical advice if you have a fever or are suffering from diarrhoea.
Fuck Fiji Water. What a terrible product.