Autotune: You’re Fucking Bullshit. And I’m Breaking Up With You.

First, this isn’t some scathing rant like you’d read on some audiophiles website. I’m just not that person. I actually wrote an article on “How to AutoTune Your Music For Free” to see if even a hack like me could benefit from Autotuning. The reality of the situation is that I am, in a way, disabled. I don’t have the ability to appreciate music like other people I know. I’m not sure if it’s genetic, or I just have extremely poor taste. Regardless, friends and family will comment as they get into my oft silent car, “What the hell were you doing in here if you weren’t listening to music?”

The response is usually an explanation about what subject or nuance I am preoccupied with at that very moment. However, all is not lost. I had a professor, who made an astute analogy. While commenting on French author (and pilot) Antoine de Saint Exupéry’s book, “The Little Prince” he said that meaningful writing often takes an appreciation in the same way that good music takes an appreciation you must develop, and hence why so many like pop music, and why so few people read things like “The Little Drummer Boy”. Pop music is easily consumable.

Hopefully I haven’t lost you yet. The heart of the issue is that like people who choose “People” Magazine over Saint Exupéry, I often find myself drawn to pop music. I don’t know if it’s the catchy lyrics, the catchy tunes, or the unbelievable outreach it has: into the car, into the club, and into movies but I find myself easily taken in by it’s spell, regardless of how ridiculous the song is. For the most part, I’ve always had the fall back of being able to blame a talented person for drawing me in.

However, in the last couple of years things have started to change and I’ve been unable to blame a talented person. A new technology called Autotune has burst onto the market in a big way. Autotune was perhaps most notably popularized by Cher’s “Believe”, her 1998 hit single. You can watch it here to refresh your memory.

Prior to Cher, the technology was still developing, and was mainly used to “clean up” music. It was a post processing feature that was used to master the best tracks possible. I don’t have a problem with this. The technology was allowing good people to be at their best. However, Cher changed the paradigm, she used this technology to extend herself beyond what a person is capable of. Since then it’s exploded like wildfire into everyone’s music from Avril Lavigne, to Rascal Flats, to T-Paine.

Autotune has been a polarizing force in the music community. Jay-Z wrote a song called “Death of Autotune”, and Seattle band Death Cab For Cutie started a campaign against auto tune they they launched at this year’s Grammys. Meanwhile, others have capitalized on the trend. T-Paine developed an iPhone Application that lets you sing along karaoke style to his songs, while the phone uses Autotune technology to make you sound like him as your confessing how much you like the bartender.

My beef with Autotune is that it takes away from the artist. The unfortunate plight of pop music is that the person must usually be just as marketable as the music. Take for example Miley Cyrus, she’s a talented young lady for sure, but she possesses a marketable quality that the masses absolutely eat up. Now suppose we have a highly marketable person, but with no talent. That’s OK! We can use Autotune to turn her into the star we can sell. What’s the problem with this? Well, what is there to strive for if we can synthesize talent and skills? I’ll tell you what: A rocking pair of tits, some bleached blond hair, and an ass that won’t quit. Autotune is very quietly creating a generation that strives not to be better, but hotter. Autotune is a toxic inflation to the economy of talent and hard work.

So while yes, I’ve been known to like certain auto tuned songs, I don’t think I can continue to ideologically support the institution that is pop music anymore.

Am I off my rocker? Should I have my ringtone as “Lollipop” and own every one of Kayne’s albums? Let me know in the comments.