I hate Twitter. I think it’s the stupidest manifestation of social networking to date. If you really think about it, Twitter is based on the fact that people feel they are so self important that they must bless the world with constant status updates. “I hate lines. Im in one right now”, or “Whoo Obama” are some of the gems I’ve seen over the last couple of months. I wanted to like Twitter, I really did. Here are my 10 Reasons The Honeymoon is Over.
1) You can send a text message thats longer than a tweet. That’s right, SMS text messages are a trim 160 characters while twitter weighs in at 140. Shameful.
2) Has anyone had really creepy try to follow them on Twitter? What the hell is that about? If I don’t know you, I sure as hell don’t want you to know where Im standing in line.
3) Verbs. Twitter has started to invade the English vernacular. I tolerated the adoption of Google and Blog as verbs. Even MySpace and Facebook. Because it makes sense. However, I simply shudder when I hear someone say “Tweet me” or “Twitter me!” Dude. Tweet my shorts losers.
4) TinyURL. You know, I can remember a time when you’d use TinyURL to divert people to ridiculous, offensive websites. This was the golden age of TinyURL. Now in the age of twitter, it’s become this legitimate, well respected means of conveying ridiculously long URLs. Oh how I long for the olden days.
5) The talker. Let’s say that you’re giving Twitter the good old “College Try” and are trying to keep up with your friends. However, if you’re like me, you probably have some friends with no life. They have no job. No real ambitions, and spend their time tweeting their every move. All over the house. 12 times an hour.
6) The Sellout. The opposite of the talker is the Sellout. However, they’re still annoying in the same context. The sell out has a ton of followers, and has sold out to people wanting to reach his follower base. So, several times a day he’s tweeting affiliate offers … to other affiliates. Because I’m sure that works great.
7) Companies Doing Research. Yes that’s right, companies have realized just how “epic” Twitter in their demographics, and started using it to do product research. Tweets like, “Would you drink a Diet Coke with Lemon in it already?” have become all too common place. And the reality of the situation is that I don’t care now and I will only care less. I’ll drink anything in a pretty can. Bud Light is a prime example of this.
Traitors. A lot of the people who embrace Twitter are those who should be shunning it like an Amish kid watching TV and shooting heroin. If you’re a writer, Twitter is an abomination. Expressing thoughts 140 characters at a time?! What would Hemmingway think?! You should be ashamed.
9) Your Mom. When did you know Facebook lost its cool? When your mom got an account. “Dear Honey, I miss you, and please make sure you remember to fold your pants, they looked really wrinkly last time you were here. Love you lots. This Facebook is a great read! L.O.L. <3 Mommy” Twitter is right on the verge of Your Mom … Tweeting.
10) SEO. That’s right I said it. STOP PRETENDING LIKE YOU’RE COOL BECAUSE YOU KNOW ABOUT TWITTER. We realize it gives links. We realize it reaches a lot of people. STOP PRETENDING LIKE YOU’RE SO COOL AND HIP BECAUSE YOU CAN TWEET SOME BULLSHIT ABOUT GOOD AT SEO YOU ARE. Kthxbai
I agree with a lot of this, but not #4. I think the fact that everyone seems to trust TinyURL now is a blessing.
“honeymoon” is one word, hemingway.
Interesting how you feel Hemingway would be offended by a short thought or expression. Did you throw that extra “m” in Hemingway just to keep your thoughts and expressions outta the Twitter Zone?
Hmmmmmmmm