Dancing With The Stars (Apparently Some Jewish People Can Dance)

Well, I just read in the “Reality TV Press” yesterday that my uncle Ian Ziering, is going to be on Dancing With The Stars. This means I can finally take the lid off this secret. Luckily, for my readership, I’ve had a lot of time to think about the many different angles of this.

First, his partner is smoking hot Cheryl Burke. She’s this little Filipino-Irish-Russian dancer chick. Whoa boy. Hottie for sure. Even better, she took Football Player Emmit Smith all the way to the top of the Dancing With The Stars podium last year. So at least we know she can go all the way. You can visit her website at wwww.DancingCheryl.com And on a side note, she’ll apparently be in the May issue of Stuff Magazine. So it’s not like she’s “Independently Hot”, she’s being recognized as hot all over the place. That’s good, people like to vote for hot chicks. And by people, I clearly mean me.

So that’s my Uncle’s dancing partner. Not a bad way to start off the show for sure. However, I did have serious thoughts about dancing. As many people know, my family is Jewish. (Even though I’m not) Unfortunately, I’ve attended a number of Jewish events growing up. I can’t help but feel that perhaps the Jewishness is a hindering factor here. After all, this is a culture of people that is often times so stubborn, that the only way to get them onto the dance floor is to find where they are sitting, pick them up, and dance over to the floor holding their chair up. Suppose you’re not the one sitting in a chair. What starts out as a small circle of people eventually turns into rotating concentric circles of Jews. Even if you’re just watching, some obnoxious family member is going to deliver the swiftest kind of Jewish guilt: They’re going to grab your hand and pull you into this hurricane called the Hora.

This is the environment from which both my uncle and I learned to dance. It’s not exactly, for lack of a less punful term, “A Leg Up”.

It takes a couple of drinks to get me even near the dance floor. But with Jews, it’s different. The holiday in which Jews drink the most is Passover. It requires, if you’re a good Jew, you must drink four glasses of wine. However, no wild Hora circles break out around the Afee Comen (A piece of Matzah traditontally hidden for the children).

I decided that perhaps some investigation needed to be done. Dancing with the Stars isn’t the kind of dancing you do at a wedding when you’ve got a few drink in you and decide that your cousin’s sister-in-law is a prime target.

I went to Google Images and typed in “Good Dancers”. I saw a lot of fine, upstanding people who were dancing. Whether they were good or not is difficult to determine by the picture. But I’m going to bet “Yes”. After all, you don’t photograph bad dancers…. You video tape them.

After finding 500 or so alleged good dancers in that search, I decided I would change the terms just a little bit. I left the two main words there, but I added “jewish” right in between them. How many results were there for “Good Jewish Dancers”? “Results 1 – 21 of about 23 GOOD JEWISH DANCERS”

I have no doubt in my mind that if their are 21 good jewish dancers in the world, my uncle, is, or will be one of them. I’m a big believer in the philosophy of “You’re only as good as the people your surround yourself with”. This Cheryl chick looks like she can do some really freaky good dance shit. I think if he can just manage to stand next to her rythmically, he’ll win.

I might have to make a new domain if he wins or something. MyUncleisAGoodDancer.com. I know I’m pulling for him. If he wins, itll make me a good dancer by association. God knows I need the help.

-Joshua Ziering