Last night I was really tired from classes and stuff. I knew I had work today, so I didn’t really want to party. I decided I was going to have my own party. So I broke out my .98 cent Lowes screw driver, a lighter, a bag of marshmallows, and a chocolate bar. I decided the Graham Crackers were only so you wouldn’t burn yourself on the smoldering mallow. I was far too hardcore for them. The deli was out anyhow. So, I’m sitting outside my dorm with a screw driver and a chocolate bar lighting marshmallows on fire. It was fulfilling in a personal way. Since coming to college I don’t really eat cookies or candy or any of that stuff that people generally reserve a cabinent for. This was some sort of pent up sugary frustration burning on the end of my screw driver.
As I am sitting there, a guy walks out of the floor above mine. He kind of looks at me fumbling with a lighter covered in mallow, and decides that: “Yes, he’s cool”. Having decided that, he proceeds to do an about face and start peeing off of the third floor flat. As to why he decided the flat was closer than the bathroom, I know not. As to why he decided to deem me cool because I was setting things on fire with a screw driver and a lighter, I know not. While I was watching this graceful stream of pee go off the side of the building, a resident from my floor walks out. He looks to his right and sees the pee. He looks directly at me setting a marshmallow fire, and asks, “Is someone peeing off the flat?” To which I nod affirmatively while I extinguish my marshmallow. He then asks me if I was making a smore with a lighter and a screw driver. I nod yes again, my mouth full of mallow. I half smile at him with my mallow laden teeth. Thoroughly weirded out, he sets off. I smile at myself knowing just how amazing my life can be sometimes.
Joshua Ziering